By any objective standard my life is very good at the moment. I can’t wait to get married soon, my job is going well and I am enjoying sorting out the garden. So why is my head still determined to be a mess on a regular basis?
I keep feeling unsettled, messy and frustrated mentally. I have absolutely no reason to feel this way, and that fiercely logical autistic part of my mind is absolutely furious about this state of affairs. I know that it is my depression, mental illness which is in no way driven by external factors and that is one of the most frustrating things about it.
I have known people with a gluten intolerance who know that if they eat wheat they will pay for it later with a bad stomach ache. So when they are offered some food containing gluten they can make the decision as to whether the pleasure of eating it is worth the pain later.
Mental illness and indeed many other conditions do not offer the luxury of that choice. All I can do to attempt to manage my depression is to ensure I keep taking my medication. But even then every day is a total roll of the dice whether my head is going to play nicely or not. It drives me nuts.
So if you know someone with depression, please be aware that they are forced to play this not very fun lottery on a constant basis, there is nothing they can do to influence the result and nobody is more frustrated with it than them. All you can do is to support them in the way that works best for them and hope alongside them for the dark clouds to pass as soon as possible.